


Kairos

by eita_kun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aggressive Caring, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki AU, M/M, Misunderstanding, Pining, Semi and Tendou are very very close friends, Semi's Worried, Shiratorizawa, Unrequited Love, angry outbursts, there is a happy ending for ushiten but maybe not for another shiratori
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 08:05:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8525275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eita_kun/pseuds/eita_kun
Summary: Pining with flower petals making a home in your lungs is not what Tendou would have liked to deal with at the age of eighteen.





	

He had been six years old when his mother had been rushed to the hospital.

It had been four am, thirty six minutes after he had heard a muffled phonecall from his mother's room, and coughing.

His aunt stayed behind, keeping a watchful eye on him.

He hadn't been allowed into his mother's room, his aunt had said it wasn't a sight a child should see.

But he was curious, and he made up a story about wanting to go back to bed because he was tired, Auntie, and he had school in the morning.

He had peeked inside, followed a trail of orange petals from the phone on the dresser to the bed that was too big now that his father had left with no note and no backward glance at the mother and son he had once claimed to love.

Petals were nothing scary, he told his Aunt in the morning, when she was waking him up for school.

_They're pretty. And these ones were like the sun, Auntie. When did mommy get all these?_

He had been scolded for going in there when he wasn't allowed to and he went to school more confused than he had been in the middle of the night.

His mother returned that evening, a bag of medicines at her side and the announcement that her sister and her husband would be moving to stay with them. Their house was bigger after all, designed for more than just two people.

More petals had appeared in the time that she was growing sick, he could tell that she was getting worse every day, even without knowing what was wrong with her.

The internet yielded no results, despite his repeated attempts to find out what was wrong with his mother as no one else was telling him.

A month passed, then a year, and then seven, and when he was thirteen, his mother died.

He remembered the wake in bits and pieces, sitting on the hard wooden chair staring at his shoes. Dull aching in his chest as he refused to look at the casket that his mother was lying in. Red hair, formerly so bright and beautiful, now lifeless and dull.

Words blurred together, as did the sight of his feet in front of him, his eyes watering.

But the eulogy included the reason his mother died, and his head snapped up faster than he'd moved that entire day. His aunt jumped at the sudden movement to her left and he blinked.

_Hanahaki disease._

That evening, he came home, researched it and finally understood why his aunt hadn't wanted him to see those petals all those years ago.

_Hanahaki disease is born of one-sided love. The patient throws up and coughs petals when they suffer from unrequited affection._

Hanahaki disease was common in his family, as hereditary as the red hair that was passed down from father to daughter, daughter to son.

His grandmother, devastated that she had outlived her only daughter, told him to never fall in love first.

_Let them fall in love you, then you can love them back._

He decided he hated the colour orange, and flowers.

 

And five years later, he found himself in the same situation.

Tendou knew something was wrong when he woke up to purple petals laying on his pillow.

His roommate hadn't been conscious for him to ask about it and he wasn't going to wake up the deadly Semi Eita at five am, especially if it turned out to be nothing but a couple of petals that had floated through the open window in the middle of the night.

Instead he just sat there, a couple in the palm of his hand, contrasting nicely with the paleness of his skin and the blue veins that webbed across his wrist. It was almost beautiful, and he was sure he would have eventually seen it as such if he hadn't started coughing.

The problem wasn't the cough, as such. The problem was that more purple petals were falling onto his hand and his bed as he coughed.

His heart stopped momentarily - a stutter of sorts, like his heart was already preparing for the inevitable outcome he knew awaited him. He had fallen in love without thinking, and with someone that didn't love him back.

The revelation had come the day before, a practice match, 4:16pm after a spike that literally blew away the other team's blockers.

Ushijima had been at 120 percent. Tendou could go on for days about exactly what made him fall for Ushijima at that moment but, honestly, he wasn't telling anybody.

And really, Tendou wasn't even sure that Ushijima was _capable_ of loving someone. He joked about it before with Semi and Kawanishi but now he was trying to hold back tears from the revelation that Ushijima didn't love him back.

Of all the people to fall in love with, it had to be Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Tendou sniffed, his throat choking up. He had heard stories of people with Hanahaki disease confessing and having their unrequited love realise that they loved them back. It seemed way too unrealistic for Tendou to even try confessing. He didn't think he could take the flat out rejection that Ushijima would give him, even if he already knew it was unrequited.

Of course no one would like him. He had been titled a monster, and even if they were friends, romantic attraction was beyond comprehension. Even if Ushijima was an exception to almost every rule that has ever existed, Tendou thought.

He hadn't realised he was making noise until he saw a slippered pair of feet in the periphery of his vision.

"Satori? Are you okay?" Semi wasn't annoyed at being woken up, and any initial rising irritation must have been immediately dispelled at seeing Tendou Satori - of all people - in tears in the early hours of the morning.

"M'fine, Semisemi! Just...."

"Crying at five am? Yeah right you're okay. That's bullshit." Semi rolled his eyes, sitting next to him and pulling him down to rest his head on his lap. "Talk to me."

"I got a F on my maths test."

"Try again."

".....sad anime?"

"More likely but I know that's wrong."

Tendou was suddenly very worried that Semi knew so much about him and was this perceptive at five am because he was barely this perceptive at two in the afternoon so this was just unfair.

He didn't want to bring it up because how would he?

Could he just say straight out, 'yeah my family has a history of this really crappy disease and now I have it because I fell in love with our damn emotionless captain.' No he could not, that would either earn him a pity, tearful Semi (most likely as it was five am) or a punch in the arm for being stupid (slightly less likely, but still really likely).

These were serious feelings, it was a serious situation and it was probably a good idea to get some advice on it but he was honestly tempted to just let it happen, just suck it up and let the sickness consume him.

"It was a sad anime..."

"Your laptop is on the other side of the room, under that t-shirt you wore last week."

"How do you even remember that."

"What's wrong?" Semi just wasn't letting this go and Tendou sighed, turning so he was facing the light blue front of Semi's faded t-shirt and wrapping an arm around his best friend's waist.

"Nothing you need to worry about."

Semi just fixed him with a glare, ferocity lessened by the fact that he was really worried. Tendou usually never hid things unless they were really serious. So excuse him if he was even more concerned.

"Satori."

The middle blocker suppressed a sigh of mild annoyance, Semi was stubborn - irritatingly so - and so he had to either tell the truth or come up with something convincing in the next seven seconds.

A constriction in his throat interrupted his thoughts and he sat up, trying to catch his breath before his head went dizzy, more coughs ripping their way from his lungs as petals fell onto his lap. There was no hiding anything now. It seemed it was only his mind that was reluctant in telling anybody his affliction, his lungs seemed more than willing to share the heartbreak his heart was feeling.

Once he was breathing steadily, he didn't make a move to look back at Semi, just clenched his fists at his sides as a frustrated scowl contorted his features.

"Who is it?" The silence was broken after several long minutes of just low breathing. Semi's voice was slow, wavering.

"Wakatoshi."

The setter shifted behind him, and a hand rested against his arm, thumb moving over the fabric of his shirt gently.

"M'sorry." Semi mumbled, forehead against his shoulder.

"You didn't make me fall in love with him."

There was a long pause and Tendou half thought Semi had fallen asleep again before his soft morning voice spoke up again. "No... but I can still be sorry."

"Doesn't matter anyway. I'll deal with it however."

The weight against him moved so suddenly, he was a little startled by it, and Semi was suddenly pulling him around, a nearly furious look on his face.

"It doesn't matter?! Of course it does! This is your life that's at stake!"

Tendou blinked, eyes wide.

He should have known he couldn't just let it kill him slowly, especially if people found out. And his teammates would be the most worried. He didn't want to know how Ushijima would react, especially if he knew it was him Tendou was pining for.

"Look, Eita....I..."

He cut himself off just from the look on his friend's face, he looked like he was trying to not cry himself, and just sighed.

"I don't care what happens. The only options are for Wakatoshi to reciprocate, which'll never happen, or I get the surgery and I can't afford that!"

"I'll help you."

"No way. I don't even want the operation so it's pointless."

He didn't want to stop loving Wakatoshi just to save himself, he wasn't the kind of person to forsake someone else for himself. And if Wakatoshi ended up loving him down the line - he almost scoffed, what an implausible idea - then he would be in the situation that Tendou was in. Is that fair? Tendou didn't think so.

"So you're just... going to let yoursel di-"

"Eita. Don't."

"Don't what?! Get mad about this?! You're my best friend, Satori! If you're dying because of some shitty illness and you refuse to get help for it, then obviously I'm going to be mad!" He snapped.

"Look, this is my choice. Unless, by some miracle, Wakatoshi loves me back, there's no help that I need or want."

The two shared a look, one close to furious tears and the other sighing with resignation, before Semi moved back to his own bed, pulling the covers over his body as he faced the wall silently, fearing for his best friend's health even more.

Tendou watched him for a while, confused and yet not so much, by his reaction.

-

The days passed and it was no secret that Tendou was suffering. His stamina depleted more and more each practice, and the glances he gave to Wakatoshi from the corner of his eye looked like he was memorising his face before he couldn't see it anymore.

Semi wasn't practising. He had a ball in his hands, fingers pressing into the seams, almost splitting the threads, as he watched the practice match. Ushijima was a cannon, blowing away the college team's blockers with relative ease, and Tendou.... he was still blocking, just slower than usual, more lethargic.

The whistle blew for a break and Ushijima and Reon walked up the the bench, accepting the water bottles Semi handed them once he'd released his death grip on the poor volleyball. "Good game."

"Not the best we've had." Ushijima said, glancing at where Tendou was doubled over, trying to catch his breath while Kawanishi hovered a little awkwardly next to him. "Is he okay."

Semi replied before he could help himself. "No."

Two pairs of eyes fixed on him and he shifted uncomfortably under the gaze. "You ask him, Wakatoshi. I'm not saying anything."

Of course there was no guarantee that Tendou would divulge anything to him but Semi didn't want to be the one to tell Ushijima that Tendou was dying because Ushijima didn't love him back.

"I will."

And he left. Straight to Tendou's side in only a few steps, a hand on his back that no doubt sent warmth through Tendou's veins directly from the point of contact.

Semi's heart twisted uncomfortably in his chest and his throat felt tight as he watched them.

"Tendou. Are you okay?"

"Peachy, Wakatoshi-kun!" The fake cheerfulness was tough to keep up but Tendou didn't have any other choice. "Just a little tired."

"You've been tired for the last few days."

Tendou's gaze snapped up from the floor, focusing on Ushijima's face instantly.

"You noticed?"

"Of course."

His eyes widened a fraction before he shrugged, looking back at the floor. "Of course you did."

"You shouldn't push yourself. Take care of yourself." Ushijima glanced at the other teammates before back to Tendou. "You're important to the team."

"Am I to you?"

The question hung heavy in the silence that followed, everyone else subtly listening in even as they tried to look like they were doing other things.

"You're a very good friend, so yes."

Of course he couldn't expect Ushijima to say anything else. Friends are important in different ways to those you love, and he already knew it was unrequited so this was drawing out the suffering for himself. He chuckled a little to himself darkly, what a masochist he was.

"Good to hear, Wakatoshi-kun!"

 

Raised voices echoed from the locker room, and Tendou paused in the doorway the moment he heard his name, eyes narrowed in confusion.

"You need to tell him. He might actually listen to you."

That was Semi, he could pick out that voice raised in annoyance anywhere. And he could infer that he was talking to Ushijima. Getting involved like he shouldn't be, that boy was too stubborn for his own good.

"Wakatoshi, he's dying. Please consider it." Reon's softer voice drifted through the cracked open doorway, he was significantly calmer than the setter, though Tendou knew he was just as worried.

Silence ensued as Ushijima - he assumed - thought over his response. "Do you know who it is?"

Tendou paused, having been about to step inside to interrupt the conversation, Semi hadn't mentioned who it was? He'd lied by omission to try to keep him alive. That made him feel a little less annoyed.

".... I do. But I can't say."

Damn right, he can't. If anyone was telling, it was Tendou. And that wasn't happening anytime soon. Or at all.

"I understand. I will talk to him."

"Tha-"

"Talk to me about what?" Tendou chose that moment to step into the locker room, grin wide on his face as if he hadn't just heard everything they'd been talking about. Semi, at least, had the sense to look guilty and look away, busying himself with his locker.

And Ushijima, bless him, wasn't one to sugarcoat or slide around topics. He always got straight to the point. Much like he did now.

"We need to talk to you."

"Oh, do you?"

"About your problem. You should get the surgery."

"What about if I don't want to?"

Even as he spoke, he saw Reon stiffen, noticed the tight fists of Semi's hands and even Ushijima looked shocked. That was a first.

"Why wouldn't you want to? If the person doesn't love you back then surely it's the best idea to not let yourself suffer."

"Wakatoshi-kun, it's a lot more complicated than that. Sometimes just loving that person makes it worth it. What use is love if it can be gotten rid of so quickly?"

Ushijima looked at him and then at Semi and Reon who just sighed.

"No one needs to suffer for love. It's supposed to be happy. If it's not making you happy then it cannot serve a purpose." He spoke again, slowly and a little unsure of his words.

"Please consider it, Satori." Reon spoke up, his voice wavering. It was unnerving to see. Usually Reon was the one people went to for advice, he had good ideas and solid logic to back it up. He knew what to do in most situations. "It would be for the best."

"I'm sure the person would wish the same." Ushijima spoke up.

Tendou just walked to his locker, opening it and throwing his bag inside. "I'm not getting the surgery." He said, tone dictating that his decision was final.

"For fucks sake, Tendou, we're trying to help you! Even Wakatoshi is telling you to get the surgery and he's the one you're fucking in love with!"

All eyes moved to Semi, who was fuming in the corner. A few moments passed before he realised what he'd said and his anger dissipated into guilt, eyes wide in horror.

Tendou was staring back at him, his own eyes narrowed in anger this time. "Great job, Semi. Thanks for saying that _in front of Wakatoshi_."

The middle blocker nearly slammed his locker shut, turning on his heel and storming out of the locker room, bypassing everyone else arrived for morning practice as they filed into the uncomfortably silent room.

 

Ushijima was conflicted.

Semi's outburst, and Tendou's subsequent reaction, cleared up the unknowns in Tendou's life or death situation, leaving him fully aware of what was going on.

Tendou loved him, but he didn't love him back. Hanahaki disease was killing Tendou and the only way to help him was to get a surgery that get rid of both the infection and the feelings he had for him.

His first thought was that Tendou should absolutely go for the surgery, it was the most logical option at that point in time and would literally save his life.

But, he had conflicting thoughts.

Because immediately after he thought the surgery was a good idea, he realised he didn't want Tendou to stop loving him. He wanted to be the object of his affection... He could see a future where the two of them were still playing volleyball together and still being as close as they were.

But was that love? Or just close friendship?

He was never the best with relationships, being a little too dense to pick up on feelings, be it from himself or from others. But maybe, just maybe, this time could be different.

He knew it wasn't completely beyond the realms of possibility for him to love Tendou, the middle blocker made him feel happy on a regular basis.

He was entirely aware that he felt something different for Tendou than he did for Reon or Semi. It wasn't camaraderie, or casual friendship, but something much stronger. Tendou's presence relaxed him, gave him reassurance even if they weren't directly in contact with each other or talking but just knowing he was there was... comforting.

He reached across his bed, fumbled for his phone and clicked the number of the person that probably knew Tendou the best, even if he was currently wallowing in guilt.

"Hello?" A hoarse voice came through the speaker, a rough throat making it scratchy.

"Eita."

"Wakatoshi? Why are you calling?"

"I have a question."

If it's about Tendou, I don't-"

"Please."

There was a pause, a sniffle, and then a sigh.

"Ask away."

"How do you know if you love someone?"

He waited for a response, and tapped his hand against his thigh as he heard movement in the other dorm rooms. Tendou's copy of JUMP lay on his desk and he glanced at an ad while he waited.

"They make you happy. Like... things could be so bad in the world but they could make it all better just with a single word. You know they're not perfect but... that doesn't matter, it's who they are and you don't want to change them. If anything, you want to change yourself, because they inspire you... to make yourself a better person... They don't even have to do anything in particular but just having them around is enough to make you feel like you're going to be okay."

Semi paused, taking a breath.

"I kinda....got carried away there, sorry."

"No, it helped. Thank you. You sound like you love someone too."

Another period of silence, and then a slight laugh. "You could say that."

Ushijima smiled a little. "Thank you, Eita. I wish you luck with who you love."

"Yeah.... thanks, Wakatoshi."

 

Ushijima knew Tendou wouldn't be in his dorm, especially if Semi was there. The two hadn't spoken since the incident that morning and had avoided each other all day. Neither of them had shown up to practice.

So he checked Goshiki's dorm - with no luck - then Kawanishi and he could clearly see a shock of red hair laying facedown on the bed.

"Satori."

The blanket covered lump shifted, an eye peeking out from limp strands of hair, before it reclaimed its position.

"Satori, I have a...."

"Rejection for me? I know."

Ushijima frowned, he wasn't going to reject him. He'd just taken a lot of time - and some prompting - to realise that his feelings were romantic.

"A confession."

Tendou blinked, propped himself up on his elbows and turned his head to face Ushijima. "What."

Kawanishi excused himself, obviously desperate to be out of such an intimate moment and made his way down the corridor.

Shiratorizawa's captain moved to stand closer to Tendou, looking at him. "I love you." He said firmly, but with a soft tone to his voice. "It took me time to realise, and I didn't know you were suffering like this, but I love you."

Tendou's eyes were wide, his breath coming much easier and he almost stumbled in his haste to stand on Ushijima's level, suddenly filled with energy.

"You're serious? 120%?"

"I am."

"How did you figure it out?"

"I asked someone." Ushijima watched him, noticing the jittering of his leg that happened when he was nervous, noticed the tapping of his fingers against his thigh - and realised that was where he must have picked it up from - and he was glad he'd found out that this ridiculous, stubborn boy loved him. "Let me take you on a date."

Tendou's grin was the widest it had been that day as he agreed immediately and started saying all the things he wanted to do with Ushijima now.

A week later, and Tendou's grin seemed not to have faded for a single moment. Their date had gone well, they even held hands and Wakatoshi walked him to his dorm before the night ended. He'd stopped coughing, no more petals resided in his lungs, and he felt much freer than he had in weeks. The dark circles he'd had under his eyes even before Hanahaki had disappeared and he had never smiled wider.

He'd spoken a mile a minute, no sign of slowing down, or needing to take a breath, about every detail of their date to his roommate. Since the confession, they'd talked things out, and resolved their animosity. Tendou knew Semi was just concerned, and Semi apologised for being as blunt as angry as he was. So their relationship was good as new, just about.

"And he's just a big confused dummy that didn't know! Can you imagine?! Man, I'm so lucky." He grinned, laying over Semi's shoulders as the latter worked on his homework. "I gotta thank you and Reon though, you guys really helped us out. Even if you did blurt out that I love him."

"Happy to help." The setter responded, eyes fixed on his work before he felt the pencil snap in his hand. He hadn't realised he had been holding it that tightly.

"Sorry sorry, I'll let you get on with your work." Tendou ruffled his hair, standing up before pulling at the sleeve of his hoodie. "Is this mine?"

Semi glanced at him, then at his hoodie, realising it was a little long in the arms and torso for him. "Oh, yeah, must've picked it up by accident. Sorry." He moved to pull it off, but hands on his arms stopped him.

"Don't worry about it. It's really warm, huh?" Tendou smiled, before checking his phone for the time. "Ah, I'm gonna head to dinner, wanna come with?"

The setter had turned back to his work, eyes downcast as he shook his head. "I'm good, I'll finish this first."

"See you then!"

The moment the door closed, Semi leaned back in his chair, eyes staring at the work on the desk. He coughed, and brushed a couple of yellow petals into the bin by the side of the desk.

**Author's Note:**

> this is dedicated to @thehauntedboy on twitter because they made a post about it and I was highly tempted to write it so here it is!
> 
> the meaning of the title:  
> kairos (n.) the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words or movement.
> 
> the meanings of the flowers/colours in this:  
> orange hibiscus --> delicate beauty  
> purple forget-me-nots --> remember me forever  
> yellow tulips --> hopelessly in love
> 
> interpret those how you want!


End file.
